It’s interesting to see how people’s music tastes develop. More interestingly, it’s a wonder why people listen to sad ballads or watch anything that makes them cry in despair. I’m sure it’s a cathartic feeling, but I’ve met others who also shy away from such experiences. The balancing act between happiness and sadness as states of being comes differently for every person. So with that said, it’s hard for me to pinpoint why my own taste in music has developed the way it has.
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve been listening to music that’s generally much more in line with the feelings of ennui and melancholy that I experience on the daily. Beach House, Elliot Smith, Tame Impala, Cigarettes After Sex, Lorde, and Maggie Rogers are the artists I’ve been tuning into quite often – just to name a few. Maybe it’s me coping with the new feelings of responsibility that accompany me as I move on in life. Maybe it’s me coping with adulthood and the general listlessness that comes with searching for whatever it is that might feel fulfilling. Lately, I’ve been reflecting on whether my penchant for listening to somber music 100% of the time has anything to do with me wanting to masochistically sink into these feelings, or if there’s something more to it. Am I fetishizing my own sadness or do I have a preference for songs that are low-energy just because my ears prefer those tones more?
Maybe it’s the fact that dissociation is key. When I listen to something like Beach House’s Bloom, my mind goes away to imagining various scenarios that fit with the leitmotifs of an album. Music, like any other piece of art, can be used as a means of escapism. But there’s something else simultaneously going on in my mind. Like most people, we end up associating our own struggles with that of the lyrics going on in the melody. We escape into something else yet we carry the baggage with us. It’s an oddly satisfying paradox that I don’t know how to make sense of just yet.
According to a study done by the University of Jyväskylä, Finland, “Openness to Experience and Empathy – were associated with liking for sad music and with the intensity of emotional responses induced by sad music, suggesting that aesthetic appreciation and empathetic engagement play a role in the enjoyment of sad music.”
So maybe it’s my sense of empathy that’s been my driving force then – looking for expressions of sadness and longing by others to know that I’m not alone in those emotions. This in turn bleeds into nostalgia – thinking of maybe not better times but lighter times. Points in my life where I had less to worry about it.
Ultimately, I think it’s the vulnerability of it all that we don’t see too much in our day to day lives. When an acquaintance asks you how you’re doing, it’s practically taboo to say you’re not doing well. “How are you” is a loaded question that no one seems to mind. Honestly, just ask me what I think about the weather instead. It’s a more superfluous question that we can immediately ignore the answer to.
I guess the problem with me then is that I revel too much in other’s vulnerabilities – their insecurities and struggles. It’s clear as day to anyone that we aren’t alone in our internal conflicts. I just wish it was more obvious sometimes. Sad music helps relieve that feeling of loneliness for me. But if I were to keep going like this, I’m afraid I might just continue inviting misery for company. Again, happiness and sadness are balancing acts. Emotions get complicated and blend into each other for a multitude of reasons. But whatever. I should probably just listen to something a little more cheery sometimes, shouldn’t I?
So how about this song? Shout out to the couples who tragically played this at their weddings.
The Dang Void 
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